Upon a little reflection, it occured to me that MATLAB does in fact have the ability for a rudimentary native hash-table:

terms = { 'price'  'cents'  'govern'  'billion'  'company'  'state'  'economy'  'stock' };
ids   = num2cell(1:length(terms));
dict  = reshape({terms{:};ids{:}},2,[]);
dict  = struct(dict{:});

dict.('cents')  % my two cents!

Of course one could also use java:

dict = java.util.Hashtable;
dict.put('key',[1 2 3]);
dict.get('key')
dict.containsKey('key')

Hash tables in MATLAB - Statistical Machine Learning and Visualization.

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What are the difference between DDL, DML and DCL commands?

Submitted by admin on Wed, 2004-08-04 13:49

DDL

Data Definition Language (DDL) statements are used to define the database structure or schema. Some examples:

CREATE - to create objects in the database

ALTER - alters the structure of the database

DROP - delete objects from the database

TRUNCATE - remove all records from a table, including all spaces allocated for the records are removed

COMMENT - add comments to the data dictionary

RENAME - rename an object

DML

Data Manipulation Language (DML) statements are used for managing data within schema objects. Some examples:

SELECT - retrieve data from the a database

INSERT - insert data into a table

UPDATE - updates existing data within a table

DELETE - deletes all records from a table, the space for the records remain

MERGE - UPSERT operation (insert or update)

CALL - call a PL/SQL or Java subprogram

EXPLAIN PLAN - explain access path to data

LOCK TABLE - control concurrency

DCL

Data Control Language (DCL) statements. Some examples:

GRANT - gives user’s access privileges to database

REVOKE - withdraw access privileges given with the GRANT command

TCL

Transaction Control (TCL) statements are used to manage the changes made by DML statements. It allows statements to be grouped together into logical transactions.

COMMIT - save work done

SAVEPOINT - identify a point in a transaction to which you can later roll back

ROLLBACK - restore database to original since the last COMMIT

SET TRANSACTION - Change transaction options like isolation level and what rollback segment to use

What are the difference between DDL, DML and DCL commands? | Oracle FAQ.

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.

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Accepted reported the story: http://blog.accepted.com/acceptedcom_bl … essay.html
Link to the story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arthur-ro … 51793.html

And here is the story:

Pay It Backwards: An Act Of Coffee Kindness
Arthur Rosenfeld
Posted December 23, 2008 | 08:47 AM (EST)

Just before Christmas of 2007, almost exactly a year ago, I steered into a Starbucks drive-thru line for a cup of tea on my way to teach a morning tai chi lesson. There were a few cars in line, and I got in behind them. When my turn came I gave my order at the billboard menu and moved up as far as I could while waiting patiently for the cars in front of me to get through the cashier line. While the South Florida weather would probably would have felt tropical to much of the rest of the country, I was a bit chilled and was looking forward to my hot drink.

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Execute the following Microsoft SQL Server T-SQL datetime and date formatting scripts in Management Studio Query Editor to demonstrate the multitude of temporal data formats available in SQL Server.

First we start with the conversion options available for sql datetime formats with century (YYYY or CCYY format). Subtracting 100 from the Style (format) number will transform dates without century (YY). For example Style 103 is with century, Style 3 is without century. The default Style values – Style 0 or 100, 9 or 109, 13 or 113, 20 or 120, and 21 or 121 – always return the century (yyyy) format.

– Microsoft SQL Server T-SQL date and datetime formats

– Date time formats – mssql datetime

– MSSQL getdate returns current system date and time in standard internal format

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 100) – mon dd yyyy hh:mmAM (or PM)

– Oct  2 2008 11:01AM

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 101) – mm/dd/yyyy - 10/02/2008

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 102) – yyyy.mm.dd – 2008.10.02

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 103) – dd/mm/yyyy

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 104) – dd.mm.yyyy

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 105) – dd-mm-yyyy

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 106) – dd mon yyyy

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 107) – mon dd, yyyy

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 108) – hh:mm:ss

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 109) – mon dd yyyy hh:mm:ss:mmmAM (or PM)

– Oct  2 2008 11:02:44:013AM

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 110) – mm-dd-yyyy

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 111) – yyyy/mm/dd

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 112) – yyyymmdd

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 113) – dd mon yyyy hh:mm:ss:mmm

– 02 Oct 2008 11:02:07:577

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 114) – hh:mm:ss:mmm(24h)

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 120) – yyyy-mm-dd hh:mm:ss(24h)

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 121) – yyyy-mm-dd hh:mm:ss.mmm

SELECT convert(varchar, getdate(), 126) – yyyy-mm-ddThh:mm:ss.mmm

– 2008-10-02T10:52:47.513

– SQL create different date styles with t-sql string functions

SELECT replace(convert(varchar, getdate(), 111), ‘/’, ‘ ‘) – yyyy mm dd

SELECT convert(varchar(7), getdate(), 126) – yyyy-mm

SELECT right(convert(varchar, getdate(), 106), 8) – mon yyyy

————

– SQL Server date formatting function – convert datetime to string

————

– SQL datetime functions

– SQL Server date formats

– T-SQL convert dates

– Formatting dates sql server

CREATE FUNCTION dbo.fnFormatDate (@Datetime DATETIME, @FormatMask VARCHAR(32))

RETURNS VARCHAR(32)

AS

BEGIN

DECLARE @StringDate VARCHAR(32)

SET @StringDate = @FormatMask

IF (CHARINDEX (‘YYYY’,@StringDate) > 0)

SET @StringDate = REPLACE(@StringDate, ‘YYYY’,

DATENAME(YY, @Datetime))

IF (CHARINDEX (‘YY’,@StringDate) > 0)

SET @StringDate = REPLACE(@StringDate, ‘YY’,

RIGHT(DATENAME(YY, @Datetime),2))

IF (CHARINDEX (‘Month’,@StringDate) > 0)

SET @StringDate = REPLACE(@StringDate, ‘Month’,

DATENAME(MM, @Datetime))

IF (CHARINDEX (‘MON’,@StringDate COLLATE SQL_Latin1_General_CP1_CS_AS)>0)

SET @StringDate = REPLACE(@StringDate, ‘MON’,

LEFT(UPPER(DATENAME(MM, @Datetime)),3))

IF (CHARINDEX (‘Mon’,@StringDate) > 0)

SET @StringDate = REPLACE(@StringDate, ‘Mon’,

LEFT(DATENAME(MM, @Datetime),3))

IF (CHARINDEX (‘MM’,@StringDate) > 0)

SET @StringDate = REPLACE(@StringDate, ‘MM’,

RIGHT(‘0′+CONVERT(VARCHAR,DATEPART(MM, @Datetime)),2))

IF (CHARINDEX (‘M’,@StringDate) > 0)

SET @StringDate = REPLACE(@StringDate, ‘M’,

CONVERT(VARCHAR,DATEPART(MM, @Datetime)))

IF (CHARINDEX (‘DD’,@StringDate) > 0)

SET @StringDate = REPLACE(@StringDate, ‘DD’,

RIGHT(‘0′+DATENAME(DD, @Datetime),2))

IF (CHARINDEX (‘D’,@StringDate) > 0)

SET @StringDate = REPLACE(@StringDate, ‘D’,

DATENAME(DD, @Datetime))

RETURN @StringDate

END

GO

– Microsoft SQL Server date format function test

– MSSQL formatting dates

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘MM/DD/YYYY’) – 01/03/2012

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘DD/MM/YYYY’) – 03/01/2012

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘M/DD/YYYY’) – 1/03/2012

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘M/D/YYYY’) – 1/3/2012

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘M/D/YY’) – 1/3/12

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘MM/DD/YY’) – 01/03/12

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘MON DD, YYYY’) – JAN 03, 2012

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘Mon DD, YYYY’) – Jan 03, 2012

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘Month DD, YYYY’) – January 03, 2012

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘YYYY/MM/DD’) – 2012/01/03

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘YYYYMMDD’) – 20120103

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (getdate(), ‘YYYY-MM-DD’) – 2012-01-03

– CURRENT_TIMESTAMP returns current system date and time in standard internal format

SELECT dbo.fnFormatDate (CURRENT_TIMESTAMP,‘YY.MM.DD’) – 12.01.03

GO

————

/***** SELECTED SQL DATE/DATETIME FORMATS WITH NAMES *****/

– SQL format datetime

– Default format: Oct 23 2006 10:40AM

SELECT [Default]=CONVERT(varchar,GETDATE(),100)

– US-Style format: 10/23/2006

SELECT [US-Style]=CONVERT(char,GETDATE(),101)

– ANSI format: 2006.10.23

SELECT [ANSI]=CONVERT(char,CURRENT_TIMESTAMP,102)

– UK-Style format: 23/10/2006

SELECT [UK-Style]=CONVERT(char,GETDATE(),103)

– German format: 23.10.2006

SELECT [German]=CONVERT(varchar,GETDATE(),104)

– ISO format: 20061023

SELECT ISO=CONVERT(varchar,GETDATE(),112)

– ISO8601 format: 2008-10-23T19:20:16.003

SELECT [ISO8601]=CONVERT(varchar,GETDATE(),126)

————

– SQL Server datetime formats

– Century date format MM/DD/YYYY usage in a query

– Format dates SQL Server 2005

SELECT TOP (1)

SalesOrderID,

OrderDate = CONVERT(char(10), OrderDate, 101),

OrderDateTime = OrderDate

FROM AdventureWorks.Sales.SalesOrderHeader

/* Result

SalesOrderID      OrderDate               OrderDateTime

43697             07/01/2001          2001-07-01 00:00:00.000

*/

– SQL update datetime column

– SQL datetime DATEADD

UPDATE Production.Product

SET ModifiedDate=DATEADD(dd,1, ModifiedDate)

WHERE ProductID = 1001

– MM/DD/YY date format

– Datetime format sql

SELECT TOP (1)

SalesOrderID,

OrderDate = CONVERT(varchar(8), OrderDate, 1),

OrderDateTime = OrderDate

FROM AdventureWorks.Sales.SalesOrderHeader

ORDER BY SalesOrderID desc

/* Result

SalesOrderID      OrderDate         OrderDateTime

75123             07/31/04          2004-07-31 00:00:00.000

*/

– Combining different style formats for date & time

– Datetime formats

– Datetime formats sql

DECLARE @Date DATETIME

SET @Date = ‘2015-12-22 03:51 PM’

SELECT CONVERT(CHAR(10),@Date,110) + SUBSTRING(CONVERT(varchar,@Date,0),12,8)

– Result: 12-22-2015  3:51PM

– Microsoft SQL Server cast datetime to string

SELECT stringDateTime=CAST (getdate() as varchar)

– Result: Dec 29 2012  3:47AM

————

– SQL Server date and time functions overview

————

– SQL Server CURRENT_TIMESTAMP function

– SQL Server datetime functions

– local NYC – EST – Eastern Standard Time zone

– SQL DATEADD function – SQL DATEDIFF function

SELECT CURRENT_TIMESTAMP – 2012-01-05 07:02:10.577

– SQL Server DATEADD function

SELECT DATEADD(month,2,‘2012-12-09′) – 2013-02-09 00:00:00.000

– SQL Server DATEDIFF function

SELECT DATEDIFF(day,‘2012-12-09′,‘2013-02-09′) – 62

– SQL Server DATENAME function

SELECT DATENAME(month, ‘2012-12-09′) – December

SELECT DATENAME(weekday, ‘2012-12-09′) – Sunday

– SQL Server DATEPART function

SELECT DATEPART(month, ‘2012-12-09′) – 12

– SQL Server DAY function

SELECT DAY(‘2012-12-09′) – 9

– SQL Server GETDATE function

– local NYC – EST – Eastern Standard Time zone

SELECT GETDATE() – 2012-01-05 07:02:10.577

– SQL Server GETUTCDATE function

– London – Greenwich Mean Time

SELECT GETUTCDATE() – 2012-01-05 12:02:10.577

– SQL Server MONTH function

SELECT MONTH(‘2012-12-09′) – 12

– SQL Server YEAR function

SELECT YEAR(‘2012-12-09′) – 2012

————

– T-SQL Date and time function application

– CURRENT_TIMESTAMP and getdate() are the same in T-SQL

————

– SQL first day of the month

– SQL first date of the month

– SQL first day of current month – 2012-01-01 00:00:00.000

SELECT DATEADD(dd,0,DATEADD(mm, DATEDIFF(mm,0,CURRENT_TIMESTAMP),0))

– SQL last day of the month

– SQL last date of the month

– SQL last day of current month – 2012-01-31 00:00:00.000

SELECT DATEADD(dd,-1,DATEADD(mm, DATEDIFF(mm,0,CURRENT_TIMESTAMP)+1,0))

– SQL first day of last month

– SQL first day of previous month – 2011-12-01 00:00:00.000

SELECT DATEADD(mm,-1,DATEADD(mm, DATEDIFF(mm,0,CURRENT_TIMESTAMP),0))

– SQL last day of last month

– SQL last day of previous month – 2011-12-31 00:00:00.000

SELECT DATEADD(dd,-1,DATEADD(mm, DATEDIFF(mm,0,DATEADD(MM,-1,GETDATE()))+1,0))

– SQL first day of next month – 2012-02-01 00:00:00.000

SELECT DATEADD(mm,1,DATEADD(mm, DATEDIFF(mm,0,CURRENT_TIMESTAMP),0))

– SQL last day of next month – 2012-02-28 00:00:00.000

SELECT DATEADD(dd,-1,DATEADD(mm, DATEDIFF(mm,0,DATEADD(MM,1,GETDATE()))+1,0))

GO

– SQL first day of a month – 2012-10-01 00:00:00.000

DECLARE @Date datetime; SET @Date = ‘2012-10-23′

SELECT DATEADD(dd,0,DATEADD(mm, DATEDIFF(mm,0,@Date),0))

GO

– SQL last day of a month – 2012-03-31 00:00:00.000

DECLARE @Date datetime; SET @Date = ‘2012-03-15′

SELECT DATEADD(dd,-1,DATEADD(mm, DATEDIFF(mm,0,@Date)+1,0))

GO

– SQL first day of year

– SQL first day of the year  -  2012-01-01 00:00:00.000

SELECT DATEADD(yy, DATEDIFF(yy,0,CURRENT_TIMESTAMP), 0)

– SQL last day of year

– SQL last day of the year   – 2012-12-31 00:00:00.000

SELECT DATEADD(yy,1, DATEADD(dd, -1, DATEADD(yy,

DATEDIFF(yy,0,CURRENT_TIMESTAMP), 0)))

– SQL last day of last year

– SQL last day of previous year   – 2011-12-31 00:00:00.000

SELECT DATEADD(dd,-1,DATEADD(yy,DATEDIFF(yy,0,CURRENT_TIMESTAMP), 0))

GO

– SQL calculate age in years, months, days

– SQL table-valued function

– SQL user-defined function – UDF

– SQL Server age calculation – date difference

– Format dates SQL Server 2008

USE AdventureWorks2008;

GO

CREATE FUNCTION fnAge (@BirthDate DATETIME)

RETURNS @Age TABLE(Years INT,

Months INT,

Days INT)

AS

BEGIN

DECLARE @EndDate DATETIME, @Anniversary DATETIME

SET @EndDate = Getdate()

SET @Anniversary = Dateadd(yy,Datediff(yy,@BirthDate,@EndDate),@BirthDate)

INSERT @Age

SELECT Datediff(yy,@BirthDate,@EndDate) - (CASE

WHEN @Anniversary > @EndDate THEN 1

ELSE 0

END), 0, 0

UPDATE @Age SET Months = Month(@EndDate - @Anniversary) - 1

UPDATE @Age SET Days = Day(@EndDate - @Anniversary) - 1

RETURN

END

GO

– Test table-valued UDF

SELECT * FROM fnAge(‘1956-10-23′)

SELECT * FROM dbo.fnAge(‘1956-10-23′)

/* Results

Years       Months      Days

52          4           1

*/

———-

– SQL date range between

———-

– SQL between dates

USE AdventureWorks;

– SQL between

SELECT POs=COUNT(*) FROM Purchasing.PurchaseOrderHeader

WHERE OrderDate BETWEEN ‘20040301′ AND ‘20040315′

– Result: 108

– BETWEEN operator is equivalent to >=…AND….<=

SELECT POs=COUNT(*) FROM Purchasing.PurchaseOrderHeader

WHERE OrderDate

BETWEEN ‘2004-03-01 00:00:00.000′ AND ‘2004-03-15  00:00:00.000′

/*

Orders with OrderDates

‘2004-03-15  00:00:01.000′  – 1 second after midnight (12:00AM)

‘2004-03-15  00:01:00.000′  – 1 minute after midnight

‘2004-03-15  01:00:00.000′  – 1 hour after midnight

are not included in the two queries above.

*/

– To include the entire day of 2004-03-15 use the following two solutions

SELECT POs=COUNT(*) FROM Purchasing.PurchaseOrderHeader

WHERE OrderDate >= ‘20040301′ AND OrderDate < ‘20040316′

– SQL between with DATE type (SQL Server 2008)

SELECT POs=COUNT(*) FROM Purchasing.PurchaseOrderHeader

WHERE CONVERT(DATE, OrderDate) BETWEEN ‘20040301′ AND ‘20040315′

———-

– Non-standard format conversion: 2011 December 14

– SQL datetime to string

SELECT [YYYY Month DD] =

CAST(YEAR(GETDATE()) AS VARCHAR(4))+ ‘ ‘+

DATENAME(MM, GETDATE()) + ‘ ‘ +

CAST(DAY(GETDATE()) AS VARCHAR(2))

– Converting datetime to YYYYMMDDHHMMSS format: 20121214172638

SELECT replace(convert(varchar, getdate(),111),‘/’,”) +

replace(convert(varchar, getdate(),108),‘:’,”)

– Datetime custom format conversion to YYYY_MM_DD

select CurrentDate=rtrim(year(getdate())) + ‘_’ +

right(‘0′ + rtrim(month(getdate())),2) + ‘_’ +

right(‘0′ + rtrim(day(getdate())),2)

– Converting seconds to HH:MM:SS format

declare @Seconds int

set @Seconds = 10000

select TimeSpan=right(‘0′ +rtrim(@Seconds / 3600),2) + ‘:’ +

right(‘0′ + rtrim((@Seconds % 3600) / 60),2) + ‘:’ +

right(‘0′ + rtrim(@Seconds % 60),2)

– Result: 02:46:40

– Test result

select 2*3600 + 46*60 + 40

– Result: 10000

– Set the time portion of a datetime value to 00:00:00.000

– SQL strip time from date

– SQL strip time from datetime

SELECT CURRENT_TIMESTAMP ,DATEADD(dd, DATEDIFF(dd, 0, CURRENT_TIMESTAMP), 0)

– Results: 2014-01-23 05:35:52.793 2014-01-23 00:00:00.000

/*******

VALID DATE RANGES FOR DATE/DATETIME DATA TYPES

SMALLDATETIME date range:

January 1, 1900 through June 6, 2079

DATETIME date range:

January 1, 1753 through December 31, 9999

DATETIME2 date range (SQL Server 2008):

January 1,1 AD through December 31, 9999 AD

DATE date range (SQL Server 2008):

January 1, 1 AD through December 31, 9999 AD

*******/

– Selecting with CONVERT into different styles

– Note: Only Japan & ISO styles can be used in ORDER BY

SELECT TOP(1)

Italy = CONVERT(varchar, OrderDate, 105)

, USA = CONVERT(varchar, OrderDate, 110)

, Japan = CONVERT(varchar, OrderDate, 111)

, ISO = CONVERT(varchar, OrderDate, 112)

FROM AdventureWorks.Purchasing.PurchaseOrderHeader

ORDER BY PurchaseOrderID DESC

/* Results

Italy       USA         Japan       ISO

25-07-2004  07-25-2004  2004/07/25  20040725

*/

– SQL Server convert date to integer

DECLARE @Datetime datetime

SET @Datetime = ‘2012-10-23 10:21:05.345′

SELECT DateAsInteger = CAST (CONVERT(varchar,@Datetime,112) as INT)

– Result: 20121023

– SQL Server convert integer to datetime

DECLARE @intDate int

SET @intDate = 20120315

SELECT IntegerToDatetime = CAST(CAST(@intDate as varchar) as datetime)

– Result: 2012-03-15 00:00:00.000

————

– SQL Server CONVERT script applying table INSERT/UPDATE

————

– SQL Server convert date

– Datetime column is converted into date only string column

USE tempdb;

GO

CREATE TABLE sqlConvertDateTime (

DatetimeCol datetime,

DateCol char(8));

INSERT sqlConvertDateTime (DatetimeCol) SELECT GETDATE()

UPDATE sqlConvertDateTime

SET DateCol = CONVERT(char(10), DatetimeCol, 112)

SELECT * FROM sqlConvertDateTime

– SQL Server convert datetime

– The string date column is converted into datetime column

UPDATE sqlConvertDateTime

SET DatetimeCol = CONVERT(Datetime, DateCol, 112)

SELECT * FROM sqlConvertDateTime

– Adding a day to the converted datetime column with DATEADD

UPDATE sqlConvertDateTime

SET DatetimeCol = DATEADD(day, 1, CONVERT(Datetime, DateCol, 112))

SELECT * FROM sqlConvertDateTime

– Equivalent formulation

– SQL Server cast datetime

UPDATE sqlConvertDateTime

SET DatetimeCol = DATEADD(dd, 1, CAST(DateCol AS datetime))

SELECT * FROM sqlConvertDateTime

GO

DROP TABLE sqlConvertDateTime

GO

/* First results

DatetimeCol                   DateCol

2014-12-25 16:04:15.373       20141225 */

/* Second results:

DatetimeCol                   DateCol

2014-12-25 00:00:00.000       20141225  */

/* Third results:

DatetimeCol                   DateCol

2014-12-26 00:00:00.000       20141225  */

————

– SQL month sequence – SQL date sequence generation with table variable

– SQL Server cast string to datetime – SQL Server cast datetime to string

– SQL Server insert default values method

DECLARE @Sequence table (Sequence int identity(1,1))

DECLARE @i int; SET @i = 0

DECLARE @StartDate datetime;

SET @StartDate = CAST(CONVERT(varchar, year(getdate()))+

RIGHT(‘0′+convert(varchar,month(getdate())),2) + ‘01′ AS DATETIME)

WHILE ( @i < 120)

BEGIN

INSERT @Sequence DEFAULT VALUES

SET @i = @i + 1

END

SELECT MonthSequence = CAST(DATEADD(month, Sequence,@StartDate) AS varchar)

FROM @Sequence

GO

/* Partial results:

MonthSequence

Jan  1 2012 12:00AM

Feb  1 2012 12:00AM

Mar  1 2012 12:00AM

Apr  1 2012 12:00AM

*/

————

————

– SQL Server Server datetime internal storage

– SQL Server datetime formats

————

– SQL Server datetime to hex

SELECT Now=CURRENT_TIMESTAMP, HexNow=CAST(CURRENT_TIMESTAMP AS BINARY(8))

/* Results

Now                     HexNow

2009-01-02 17:35:59.297 0×00009B850122092D

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I recommend those two movies which may change some of your views about war

Battle for Haditha

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0870211/

The Kingdom

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0431197/

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Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice Holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only  America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish.

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Jeffrey Chiang Will Be Receiving No New Offers Of Employment

Posted by Bess Levin, Oct 22, 2009, 9:33am

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I’m attempting to summarize what most of us have gone through or will be going through in our path to B-school. I was partially motivated by several other posts within the forum (which I thank for) and partially on self experience (though the characters in this story are fictional, etc., you know the drill). School names are used as examples and by no means I intend to mock any organization or person, this is just an attempt at summarizing, in a humorous way, this rocky personal journey.

i.Introduction

Let’s say you are 2 or 3 years out of college and the thought of an MBA starts lingering in your mind. Either you’ve heard some stories of former colleagues going for it and are curious about it or you think the name sounds cool.

You can talk to MBA alumni (if you have access to them) to start your research, or maybe to some friends. But this initial conversations can be biased (name 1 alumni who “officially” thinks his/her school sucked and you’ll get a bonus!) for all you know.

So you decide you need some “objective data” to continue your research and you go pick up the latest issue of US news/ B-week, or whichever one is available at newsstands. You browse through their pages and start wondering:

1st phase (the MBA honeymoon):

- Wait, wasn’t Kellogg a cereal brand?
- What’s with the GMAT scores? why 700? over 1000? that’s weird. What’s GMAT btw?
- Ah, finally, I know Yale, I know Harvard, I know Stanford, MIT and UCLA. But where’s Princeton? And Brown?
- I like International Business, so as per these rankings I should better be attending Thunderbird. But why are the starting salaries from there so much lower than from other schools?
- I loved Miami when I visited on spring break. Lemme see what their school’s like.

2nd phase (Delussional optimism):

- I’m a wise person, so GMAT shouldn’t be a problem for me. Maybe I’ll take one of these intensive 1-week courses and go for it! Why would anybody spend months studying? That doesn’t make any sense. I mean it’s high school level math and English for crying out loud. Heck, I can speak English, I’ve taken Calculus classes.

- I’m a clear admit at HBS, plus I’ll get a full scholarship. After all I’ll get a top GMAT, I do speak four languages and have made steady progress at work so far.

3rd phase (Depression while taming the beast):

- GMAT sucks. My friends no longer talk to me. My girlfriend broke up with me and spending 150k for an MBA doesn’t make much sense to me anymore (nor does it make sense to my family, my former friends nor my girlfriend). Do I really, really want to do this? Otherwise I could go back to having a life right now.

- Ok, so I’m headed for a 600 score, if I’m lucky. Let’s see what that would do for me. Hmm, I’d better score at least 650. Wait, 650 ain’t that bad! Oh boy, I’d kill for a 650.

- “So Johnny (an acquaintance of yours), how did your GMAT go?”
Johnny: “Oh man, I’m so depressed. I bombed my 7th attempt. I just can’t get past 550. I’m about giving up”
You: “Crap, Johnny, after all the effort you’ve put into this, I can’t believe what you are telling me. I mean, I’m still a zillion hours away from your study record to date. By the way, I’ll better be heading home and attack those SCs again!”

- (at 4am in the morning on a working day): I suck, I suck, I suck! I can’t believe the silly mistakes I’m making. Sigh, I wish I’d remember more about Statistics…

4th phase (post GMAT preliminary research)

- Ok, so I got a pretty decent GMAT. Now let me write sth and send my app right away so we can finally bring this “I’ll pretend I read your app.” game to an end. Let’s check the instructions.

1st question) What matters most to you an why? [3 to 5 pages]
Hmm. Maybe I’ll leave this one for tomorrow. Or let me brainstorm and write a shortlist:

1st shortlist (prior to any research):
a) Money.
b) Success.
c) Beer.
d) Getting my ticket stamped to land an IB job.

2nd shortlist (after some research):
a) Being mother Theresa.
b) Saving humanity.
c) Saving the environment.
d) “Changing the world”.

- I’ll apply to 147 schools. That way, I’d maximize my chances of getting a scholarship.

- What’s with the letter of recommendation? Should I tell my boss about my plans? It looks like the point of no return to me.

5th phase (applying, AKA the emotional roller-coaster)

[staring at essay#1 version # 84]: This sucks! I can’t believe how boring I sound. I should re-start from scratch!

- I should write about the snooker tournament I won when I was 16. That’d be original, plus I can spin it to show how I used my leadership, analytical and teamwork skills.

- Beh, I can apply in Round 2 as well.

- Crap! my recommenders haven’t even accessed the website yet and it’s only 2 days left! I’ll send them “friendly reminder #27″. No, wait, I sent #26 just 5 minutes ago. Maybe I’ll wait another half hour.

- Wait, was Kellogg’s deadline on the 5th? Or was that MIT? Maybe I should drop Wharton. I can’t make deadlines on the 3rd, 4th, 5th and 7th. OK, I’ll just drop Wharton from my list and have it as “fresh” backup for next year just in case.

- I wish I had applied to more schools in Round 1. Look at all these people getting interviews and admits!

6th phase (post application blues)

- Shoot, I won’t get in anywhere. I mean look at the profiles of applicants! I should retake GMAT. My 700 is not enough. I should aim for 790+.

- Crap! Yale dinged me without interview! Ohmigod! If they did it, ANYONE can do it! THEY COULD ALL DO IT!

- I have an idea! I’ll check which schools have rolling admissions and apply to those. I still have time!

- Suddenly University of Phoenix Online doesn’t sound that bad.

- Why? Why? Why didn’t apply to more backups? Why did I have to shake my interviewer’s hand so firmly? Why didn’t I coach my recommenders more thoroughly? I wonder what they’ve written. Probably nothing good. I wish I had submitted my app. a day earlier, that way I would have looked as a well organized person. I read that Kellogg dings all applicants above 28 years old who haven’t made directors positions. Wait, is that a typo on my MIT essays? That’s one school less, buddy. I’m soo doomed.

7th phase (endless joy)

- Hell yeah! I’ve made it! I’ve been admitted [dream school X] next year! I rule! I can’t wait to get recruited by [dream employer]. When is admitted students weekend?

- 2nd admit! I rule!

- Should I go to [School X] with a 7k scholarship or to [School Y] with a 25 k scholarship?

- Work? What’s work? Ah, right, that thing I’m supposed to be doing daily on weekdays from 9 to 5…

- I wonder whether spending this 150k makes sense after all…

- I’m so gonna get grilled at B-school! What if I mess up? I’d better start brushing up on some skills.

Hope you enjoy, and feel free to propose edits or add-ons. After all, we’re all together in this journey!

Cheers. L.

http://gmatclub.com/forum/the-7-phases-of-b-school-application-42452.html

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